


Titan Saga

by NanakiBH



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Boners, Kink Meme, M/M, Masturbation, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only the strong survive in this world ruled by titans! Fight to protect humanity alongside millions of other players from around the globe! With fully customizable characters, thousands of guilds to join, and hundreds of active quests, your adventures are limitless! Sign up now and play for one month free!*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Titan Attacks! MARCO!!

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the kink meme for this prompt:  
> "What if Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and the others are actually a bunch of normal highschoolers who jumped in the hype of the new "Shingeki no Kyojin" online game like the rest of their classmates?"
> 
> I get the feeling I'll be writing more to this.

He was so foolish.

No amount of training could have fully prepared him for his first real encounter with the titans. It was so easy to go flying through the trees, slicing the heads off of stationary targets that shredded like tissue paper against the edge of his blade. It felt like victory to hear the results of his efforts, to be patted on the back for excellence in theory. That illusion of security that was created from his foolish faith in his own strength made it all the more painful to face the harsh truth before him.

Titans were monsters – formidable, terrifying monsters that dwarfed the members of their unit in all imaginable ways. They were strong. Some were even faster than them. And all of them were resilient. A single slice here or there meant nothing unless they succeeded in targeting and removing their most vital area. Their instructions made it look so simple, obvious, but the training couldn't express the sort of fear that a titan could instill in someone when they were staring them down with their bulging eyes and unsettling grins.

He was too foolish. He believed that if he just made it through the training, he would be able to make it into the military police and then everything would be smooth sailing. Things would be safe there. There'd be nothing to worry about. His blades could be hung up and forgotten about, left to rust as he idled his time, enjoying the finer things.

But now that he was caught up in this, he couldn't imagine setting down his weapon.

Franz... Minna... Thomas...

They had already lost so many good friends. It nauseated him to imagine the horrors that they experienced, the terrifying world that their eyes beheld before it all went black. They were people they laughed, cried, and shed blood with and now they were...

“Jean.”

Annie? It was Annie's voice.

Once he began surveying the damage left by the titans, it was hard for him to get his head back where it belonged. The world around him was too surreal, carnage everywhere his eyes fell. On the rooftops, the alleyways, and in the streets, piles of lifeless, grotesquely mangled corpse littering the area. Already, he'd counted too many familiar faces among their numbers. He couldn't believe they'd lost so quickly when he thought that they had just as much of a chance to continue.

“Jean.” Annie moved to his side and he used all of his might to focus on her, to tear his attention away from the mess of bodies surrounding him. “We should move on. There's nothing left for us to do here.”

How could she be so cold? Sure, he wasn't always the most tactful person himself, but he knew when the moment called for a certain amount of respect. As much as he wanted to just... move on, he still had someone he was looking for. In the bottom of his heart, he held the hope that he had survived, that he was just hiding somewhere, resting, treating some wounds – anything but this.

“I'm still looking for someone,” he told her firmly. “I... I have to keep looking, just in case.”

She followed him as he began walking down the street, between the ruined remains of what were once peaceful homes. For a while, she stayed quiet, following at a slow, uneven pace until she appeared again at his side and asked, “Who are you looking for?”

He swallowed, hesitating. His heart thudded in his throat and made it hard for him to breathe. That innocently naïve smile appeared at the front of his memory and didn't disappear, even when he tightly closed his eyes.

“Marco,” he choked out.

“What?” She sounded surprised. “You didn't know? Marco died about an hour ago. I guess you really weren't paying attention.”

Her words left him numb. White noise covered his every thought as he fought to process the information he'd been handed. “M-Marco...” He had to put a hand to his mouth to hide the undignified sob that forced its way from his throat as a shudder wracked his body. Now wasn't the time to show weakness, but there was nothing he could do to stop himself. His legs acted on their own. Annie could barely keep up with him as he ran straight ahead at a reckless pace. He swiveled his head left and right, frantically looking everywhere, scanning the faces of the deceased to try to prove to himself that it wasn't true, that Marco wasn't there, that he wasn't just another number to add to the total of victims.

At once, his knees grew weak and he collapsed the second his eyes fell on Marco's form. What remained of him was thrown carelessly atop a few other gored bodies. What he saw made his stomach feel unsteady, but he couldn't look away. His eyes continued to look, as if begging his mind to accept the reality before him.

“This is unbelievable. I didn't even get to tell him...”

Annie carelessly walked in circles around him as he remained kneeling before his fallen friend. “Why are you getting so emotional now? I told you. He died about an hour ago. If you really cared about him, you would've noticed.”

“I had a lot to focus on!” he yelled. He really wished that she would stop moving around like that while he was still grieving. It was distracting.

She eventually stopped and moved closer to Marco's body. “Oh, look. He still had all this gear on him. I guess this is mine now.”

“Hey!” Jean snapped. He got up as quickly as he could manage, but wasn't fast enough to stop her from looting Marco's unresisting body. “What's wrong with you? He's our friend, you know. Or did you already forget that?”

She shrugged and quickly inspected her new inventory. “Whatever. If I left it there, somebody else would have just come along and done the exact same thing. At least it went to one of his friends. That's good enough, wouldn't you agree?”

He growled. “If anyone should've gotten his items, it should've been me.”

“Oh yeah? You're sounding pretty jealous. If you're that desperate to have Marco's items, then here. You can have them.” Just as quickly as she'd taken them, she transferred them to Jean. “Do whatever you want with that shit. He had nothing but a half-empty tank of gas and a potato. Hope that helps you while you try to fight the titans _alone_.”

“Alone?” What the heck did she mean by _alone?_ “Hey, wait for me!” But it was too late. By the time he called out to her, she was already zooming away with her 3D maneuver gear, hopping quickly from one building to another until she disappeared from his sight.

He opened his inventory. For a few minutes, he didn't feel motivated to do anything. He simply stared at Marco's potato and felt a massive sense of disappointment. From the beginning, he told Marco that they would do this thing together. He was supposed to be there for him, but he wasn't even around at the moment that he met his end.

There was nothing but him, the dusty, damaged street, and Marco's potato – until he heard a noise. He looked around a bit, wondering where the sound was coming from before he realized that he wouldn't find the source of the sound anywhere in front of him.

Jean lifted one of his headphones and glanced down. The face of his cellphone was illuminated as it vibrated. The thing would've buzzed itself off the edge of his desk if he didn't grab it in time. He felt a certain sense of relief to be back in the real world as he looked down at the screen of his phone and saw Marco's name.

He'd sent a text.

_ugh back to training. all the way back to lv 1. suuuux. don't know anyone here this time._

Odd. His fingers quivered as he held them over the keypad. He chalked it up to nerves, to playing Titan Saga for too long, to getting worked up over a game, but...

He texted back.

_don't wanna see u die again. gonna restart and keep an eye on u this time._


	2. Goodbye, My Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of backstory for how we've arrived at the current situation. Will it be too late for Jean?! Good luck, Jean!!

When Annie passed him in the hallway the next day at school, Jean didn't hesitate to tell her what he thought about her unnecessary antics in the game the night before. Holding her books loosely under one arm, she looked at him and kept going with barely a pause in her step. Even if she heard the things he said, she made no indication that she was paying attention as she disappeared down the hallway. Sometimes, he just didn't know what to think about her. The things that she did and said in Titan Saga were so different from the way she would act in person. In the game, she was bold, ruthless, but she didn't show any of that at school.

Unlike him. Jean was Jean no matter where he was; in the game, at school, at home.

He wished that he could be a little more like Annie. He didn't want to treat anyone the way she did sometimes, but he wished that he could become someone else the way she seemed to be able to. That was the whole point of playing a video game, wasn't it? Games were supposed to be an escape, a way to separate oneself from the real world.

Maybe he just lacked the proper imagination for it...

Even when he allowed himself to become completely immersed in the experience, he still ended up playing as himself and he couldn't even be cool about it. The second he tried to show off, he ended up leaving Marco behind and that was how he ended up biting the dust. All because of him.

He joined Titan Saga in the first place because he wanted to be in the loop, to take part in the craze that everyone else at his school were going nuts over. Some of the kids in his class were already at the top of the leaderboards, even. Mikasa and Eren started playing it way before anyone else and they were already far up the list with Annie, Reiner, and Bert closing in on them every day.

It was a tough game, but Jean wasn't too bad it. He just didn't have the same kind of drive to take out the titans that Mikasa and Eren had. He played it a little bit to get used to it, then realized what it could do for his reputation at school if he managed to get up as high as the others. If he kept playing it, then there was a chance that Mikasa might even notice his existence.

After playing it for a few weeks, he didn't see any changes at school, though. He even asked Eren what he thought of him and Eren – Eren, the guy who spent _way too many hours_ playing the game – looked at him like he thought _he_ was a loser. He didn't even have the energy to find out what Mikasa thought when her eyes were fixed on Eren.

Jean seethed. And his determination grew.

Because it didn't fucking matter if Eren cared about how well he played the game or not. Jean knew he was good at Titan Saga. He could take down just as many titans as Eren if he really wanted to.

His determination only grew when he found out that Marco was thinking about joining the game. At the same time, knowing that Marco was going to start playing the game made him feel... nervous. He wasn't afraid that Marco was going to become better at it than him or anything. That certainly wasn't it. Marco just kind of...

Marco did things to him.

It was hard to explain.

But Jean was pretty sure that the things Marco did to him were gay things.

They were pretty good friends, which made it weird. They were in the same year, but they were in a lot of different classes. They never suffered through any of the difficult classes like chemistry and geometry together, but they shared homeroom and lunch, so at some point, Jean started to think of Marco's gentle presence as a type of reward for surviving through all of his frustrating classes with the likes of Eren.

They met at school, so there were still a lot of things that he didn't know about Marco, but he did know that Marco liked him. That is – in the friends kind of way. Maybe possibly in the other kind of way as well, but – Jean wasn't going to let himself think too heavily about that until the moment called for it. The important thing was that Marco actually cared about him and listened to the things he said, unlike just about everyone else.

Every day, he worked hard to impress his other classmates, but it felt like he didn't have to do anything to impress Marco. That was probably what it meant to have a real friend. Something like that.

That was why, when he started to realize that Marco might've liked him as more than just a friend, he felt nervous. Jean had never thought he was into guys until he started thinking about Marco like that. If it were someone else like fucking _Eren_ who suddenly stumbled into his life and started making him feel gay feelings then he would've made sure to stay as far away as humanly possible, but Marco was... He couldn't get mad at Marco.

It was literally, physically impossible for him to get mad at Marco.

Jean's anger was a part of his life, especially his high school life. Lots of things made him mad, like his grades and his homework and his parents, but whenever he was around Marco, he felt calm. Except for the times when he felt nervous and kind of gay around him, of course. Jean decided that God must have blessed him, otherwise he had no idea how he managed to make a friend like him. Whenever he tried to show anyone else how awesome he was, it always backfired, but Marco acted like he was the best thing since sliced bread.

That was, ultimately, why he was really nervous. If he was ever going to sort out the feelings Marco made him feel, he knew he had to discuss them with him. The problem was, he didn't want to risk their friendship. He had to do something that would really impress Marco so he wouldn't even dream of ignoring him or pushing him away if he let those feelings slip.

When Jean heard about Marco's sudden interest in Titan Saga, he thought he found his opportunity. He didn't have to be as great as Eren to impress him, but if he managed to help him through the first few demanding training levels in the game, he was confident he would have a lock on his friendship.

Titan Saga was a unique multiplayer experience. Everyone began at the same level and went through the same demanding tutorial levels at the beginning. Although, however demanding the training experience was, the real challenge came when fighting titans. If a player's HP were depleted while facing a titan, their character would die and return to the very beginning of the game without any of their experience, levels, or inventory. That was why it was so incredible that Eren and Mikasa had remained at the top of the boards for so long, frequently fighting titans the way they did.

Marco just wanted to see what the fuss was all about and – much to Jean's surprise – he even asked Jean if he could help him out. Helping Marco meant that he would have to restart and lose his position on the leaderboard, so he felt a little torn. After only a moment's hesitation though, his eagerness to prove himself won out and he agreed to help him.

That night, he ran home and logged into Titan Saga as quickly as possible. He said his final goodbyes to his items and things, then restarted his saga. After that, he sat at his desk and anxiously waited for Marco to show. He knew that Marco would probably be thrilled just to have his help, but he couldn't help feeling nervous. His nervousness only seemed to intensify when he finally saw Marco's name appear in the lobby he specified.

He heard his mother yelling for him to come eat dinner, but all he could think about was the game. When she got fed up, she stormed up the steps to his room and knocked on his door and he tried to explain that he was studying for an extremely important test. Unfortunately, she knew that he was lying because he never studied. She stood outside of his door for a while, her presence totally throwing off his concentration, but he heard her sigh heavily after a few minutes and she told him that his food would be sitting on the table when he was ready for it.

Glad to be alone again, he put all his focus on helping Marco. He jumped through hoops to get him the best armor and weapons they could afford at their level and showed him around to all of the best spots to grind.

...Grind.

...Grinding with Marco.

... _Grinding against Marco_.

His brain kept throwing him all kinds of confusing signals like that the whole night but he forced them out of his head with all of his might. More than ever, he tried to pretend that he was just a character in the game; a guy with a lot of experience who could help show Marco the way to becoming a successful titan slayer.

And it went pretty well. They got pretty far into the training segment when Marco finally had to call it quits, popping up with a message that said he had to go eat dinner with his family. Jean was disappointed that they had to stop while he was on a roll, but he was proud of the progress he made with him.

Then, Marco made his night.

_**immaculate_marco:** had a lot of fun tonight. thanks  <3_

He had no business feeling so happy about that one little message. It was that stupid little heart at the end of it. It didn't necessarily mean anything, but he'd never seen Marco use one of those with him before and he'd definitely never gotten hearts from any other dudes online. It didn't _have_ to mean anything but something about it felt significant.

No. It didn't mean anything.

...But he really liked imagining that it meant something.

He tried to calm down and think rationally about it. First, he said goodbye to Marco, then logged off and turned off his monitor. He flopped onto his bed after that and put his hands on his stomach and tried to make sense of the confusing thoughts and feelings he had mixing around in his head. However, the more he let himself think about it, the more complicated his thoughts became. It wasn't long before he was imagining what it would be like if he and Marco really lived in the world of Titan Saga. He would protect Marco through thick and thin and Marco would always thank him with those shimmering eyes of his and that smile. They'd complete their training together and then they'd be so exhausted from all their efforts that they'd just collapse somewhere in the forest next to each other.

And then Marco would look over at him while they'd be laying in the grass and his cheeks would be a bit red under his freckles and he'd smile slowly at him and Jean would lean over to brush a little bit of the sweat from his face with one of his sleeves and...

...And then they'd end up kissing and rolling around together in the grass.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Jean had a hand down the front of his jeans but he couldn't stop himself. He knew how wrong it was, to be thinking gross things about his closest friend when he had no idea. It was wrong. Real wrong.

His heart thumped painfully in his chest with each jerk of his wrist as he imagined Marco's sweet face, as he imagined how warm and soft his lips would feel pressed against his own. As far as fantasies went, it wasn't even that explicit, but that was what really freaked him out. Marco didn't just inspire confusing, sexual feelings in him. He made him feel sappy, romantic feelings.

It was just too easy to imagine that his hand was Marco's instead. With his fingers wrapped around him, Marco would look down at him warmly and give him a few gentle kisses and he'd wrap his other arm around him when...

When he came, Jean was curled up on his side with cum coating his palm and warm tears staining the pillow beneath his head.

He gave himself some time to just lay there and feel bad about himself before he found the strength to get back up. He snuck out of his room then and headed down to the kitchen to retrieve his food. Even though his mom noticed him and asked what was wrong, he pretended to not notice her and slowly crept away with his dinner. He hoped that she could sympathize with the hollow look on his face.

Of course, when he saw Marco at school the day after that, he didn't mention any of what happened after he logged off. Although, he did have to excuse himself during lunch because Marco was too enthusiastic with his gratitude. Jean couldn't handle all the appreciation. He was too weak.

It wasn't just a one-time thing anymore. He jerked off to him twice and although twice couldn't be considered chronic, the situation still felt dire. He was going to have to tell Marco soon or else his feelings were going to make him explode. On the bright side, he made some great progress with him in the game which meant he was already one step in the right direction.

And then that was when he took ten steps back.

They made it successfully out of the training, but then he got too comfortable. He got over-confident in his abilities and tried to show off and ended up getting separated from Marco in the process. By the time he realized Marco wasn't following him anymore, he was surrounded by titans and had to fight just to get himself out of his own mess.

He really thought he blew it. He tried too hard. It was too obvious how much he was trying to show off. Blinded by his own selfish objective, he ended up ignoring Marco. Seeing what remained of Marco's character torn apart and spit out felt like a twisted metaphor for what he was doing to their friendship. It was the first time he ever felt so absorbed in the game, like he was really there, breathing and tasting the rotten air around all of those bodies, which was why it was such a shock and relief when his buzzing cellphone reminded him that Marco was still alive.

It wasn't over. He could still find a way to redeem himself.

Just like he promised, he wouldn't let Marco out of his sight next time. Then, if it went the way he hoped... He could tell him how he felt.

Hopefully he wasn't just making excuses for himself.


	3. At Last! A Happy Ending?

He got himself so revved up, but by the next morning, Jean's motivation had somehow disappeared. His nerves must have become frayed while he slept because although he still really wanted to help Marco play the game, his anxiety was suffocating. While he shoveled spoon after spoon of Captain Sugar Puffs into his mouth that morning, his mother continued to look at him with confusion so he knew that he must've looked off. There was probably some homework he forgot to do, but his thoughts were so focused on Marco that he didn't even have the energy to care.

The next eight hours were going to be painful. He arrived at school on time and took a seat in the same desk he would usually sit in for his first class but it felt like his soul was still at home, sitting at his desk in front of his laptop. Even the other kids in his class noticed his lethargy and proceeded to pester him for it. Group assignments received half of his attention. Notes went unwritten.

If this was what it felt like to... to love someone... then he wasn't sure he wanted to love anyone. All he could think about was how painful it would be if Marco rejected him. Was it worth it to psych himself up again if all of his effort would be for nothing in the end? Then he wouldn't even have anyone to blame but himself. It would be his fault for being stupid again, for being too Jean.

He didn't want to go to homeroom. It was too soon to see Marco when his heart felt too raw and unprepared. They took attendance in homeroom though, so unless he wanted to sit in detention, he had no choice but to go. He walked in a second before the bell and as soon the door closed behind him, he spotted Marco sitting right across the room, next to one of the windows. His chin was in his palm and he looked more serious than usual, like he was thinking deeply about something and the world around Jean froze for a few moments as he looked at him. The pensive, wistful look on on his face was so unique and surprising to him that it made him wish he had regular classes with him just so he could see more of it.

That was just another thing he didn't know about him. Was it that unusual to see him looking thoughtful? How often did he make that face? What had inspired such an expression?

If he really liked him, then shouldn't he already know the answers to those kinds of simple things? Romance in the real world didn't work the way it did in movies. There was no such thing as 'love at first sight'. His feelings were built upon something completely unsubstantial; solely the fact that Marco gave him the time of day. The more he thought about it, the more pathetic the reason for his feelings sounded.

It was just a matter of seconds, but Jean's heart felt like it had stopped for an eternity while he looked at him. When Marco finally realized that he was there, his face suddenly changed and the smile that softened the tightness in his features swung Jean back into reality. It was just a smile, something that looked natural on him, something Jean saw all the time, but it made something in his chest constrict painful when it was directed at him. One of his hands unconsciously gripped the front of his shirt and he tried to pretend that he was just dusting himself off when he realized how dumb he might've looked.

Marco waved him over and Jean took a seat at the desk that was open next to him by the window. Everyone stayed quiet as the afternoon announcements were given over the PA and Jean was thankful because he wasn't sure he would've been able to speak without making himself sound like an idiot at the moment. He sunk into his seat and tried to keep himself from looking directly at Marco for the fear that he might give himself away. But when he finally got up a spot of courage and allowed himself to steal a solid glance at him, he was surprised to find Marco glancing at him. Their gazes connected for a split-second and then it was if they repelled each other when they realized they'd made eye contact.

There was no reason for Marco to feel weird for looking at him, but Jean's heart felt as if it were going to leap from his chest, worrying that Marco had been able to see all of his twisted, confused feelings for him there in his eyes. He was the real weird one there and he wasn't going to stop feeling awkward about it until he finally showed Marco how awesome he was and became his best, most indispensable friend.

And then he would... Then for sure he...

“So what are you going to have for lunch today?” Marco asked.

The announcements were still going. Didn't he know he wasn't supposed to talk over them? This was possibly the only time when Jean wished that someone would tell him to be quiet, but there were a few other people whispering softly and no one seemed to care that Marco had said anything.

Jean stuck his hands into his pockets and sunk so far under his desk that he risked sliding off. “I... I don't know. What day is it today? Friday?”

“It's Friday,” Marco said, placing his chin back into his palms.

When Jean realized he was looking again, he wrenched his eyes away. Although, if they were talking to each other, then that gave him an excuse to look at him, so maybe it wasn't so bad. He could look a little. After all, he didn't want Marco to get the impression that he was ignoring him or anything.

“What's wrong?” Marco asked, taking his chin out of his hands to link his fingers together. “Do you have a stomach ache?”

Jean's shoulder's jolted and made his neck slam into the edge of the chair. He immediately let out an undignified yowl of pain and almost slid from his chair had Marco not quickly grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back up. A few guys in the room looked over at him but seemed so uninterested in him that they didn't even bother to laugh.

Marco let go of him once he was sitting up straight again, but the spot where he touched tingled. “A-are you alright?” he asked. That look was back, the same one that Jean saw on his face when he first entered the room.

Sticking his hands in his lap, Jean straightened his back and looked down at the surface of his desk and tried to suppress his embarrassment. So much for making Marco think he was cool. “I'm fine,” he mumbled. He didn't want Marco to worry about him, so he tried to bring the conversation back to where they were before he almost gave himself a concussion. “Yeah, so, anyway. It's Friday. The lunchroom has pizza on Fridays this month.”

“Oh, does it?” Marco asked. That tense look disappeared and was replaced with a much lighter, happier one. Much better. Jean would be happy if he always looked like that. “I think I might just get a big plate of fries, though. I don't know why, but I have this sudden craving for potatoes and I think fries might be the closest thing they'll be serving.”

“Potatoes? Is it because of Titan Saga?” In the game, eating a potato would restore a significant portion of the energy gauge. That gauge would become depleted if a player went for too long without eating, resulting in yet another way to receive a game over. “Trying to keep your energy up, huh?”

Marco laughed, acknowledging where his sudden desire for potatoes must have originated. “You must be right. I've gotta keep it up if I wanna stay with you, Jean.”

Finally, some obnoxious guy in front of them turned around and told them to shut up. Jean would've flipped him off but his brain was still too absorbed in the things Marco just said for him to do anything.

_If I wanna stay with you, Jean..._

_I wanna stay with you, Jean..._

_With you, Jean..._

Marco waved a hand in front of his face. “Oh no, did I lose you?”

“H-huh?” He blinked his eyes a few times, completely unaware that he'd drifted off into his special Marco Realm again.

Oh boy, he even had a name for that now... That couldn't be good.

He tried to convince Marco that he really hadn't hit his head too hard when he slipped and Marco warily accepted his reassurance. To save him from any further humiliation, the bell rang and everyone started getting out of their seats. They had lunch together next and as long as he had a bite of pizza in his mouth at all times, Jean was sure that he wouldn't say something dumb. Unfortunately, he'd already done a fine job of making himself look dumb without hardly saying a word so that didn't speak well for what the future held.

Lunch went about as well as usual. Jean's feelings for Marco were always hanging off the tip of his tongue, but he managed to keep them from slipping out. The slices of pizza were gargantuan but he bought two just to make sure he had enough to last him the entire lunch period.

Marco was in a chatty mood, but Jean did his best to nod or add short answers and remarks whenever he had to respond. For a few minutes at a time, they would fall into silence, but nothing about that felt unusual. It was nice to just sit there calmly and enjoy lunch with him. It made him wonder what it would be like to go on a date with him but then he remembered that he didn't know the first thing about dating. What were people supposed to do on dates anyway...? Like, aside from make out?

Not that he would mind trying that with Marco. The thought of sucking on another guy's tongue didn't sound that strange to him anymore.

He was concealing his thoughts well and keeping his anxiety to a minimum, but then Marco threw a curveball at him that made him start sweating all over again.

“Hey...” He sounded apprehensive for some reason. “Can we... Can I come over tonight? To your house? To play Titan Saga together, that is.”

The way he said it sounded suspiciously romantic. Jean figured that it was just his hopeful heart interpreting his words however it wanted to, though. He tried not to get too excited, but it was probably showing on his face. A big part of him was thrilled because he could have Marco all to himself – in his room. But then an even bigger part of him was silently freaking out. He would have Marco all to himself – _in his room._ Marco had never been in his room yet and his room was anything but presentable at the moment.

“T-tonight?” Jean stuttered. He needed more time. He had to hide all the embarrassing shit in his room. There were certain things his potential future boyfriend shouldn't see. “Why not tomorrow? Tomorrow's Saturday, you know.”

Marco looked crestfallen. “Tonight's bad?”

_Yes_ , tonight was very bad, but he didn't want to see that look on Marco's face. He was the one responsible for that sad face and it made him feel fucking horrible.

“Tonight's fine,” he said quickly, immediately biting his tongue afterward. His pizza hadn't saved him in the end. “I'll have to clean up a bit, though. It's a dude's room. There's shit everywhere. You know how it is, right?”

Marco just stared at him blankly as if his question had gone right over his head. It figured. Marco wasn't the kind of guy who would have a messy, torn-apart room like his. His room was probably very neat and orderly in comparison.

Although Marco still didn't seem to understand the level of disarray he spoke of, he clasped his hands together after a bit and beamed happily. “I'm sure it won't be a problem. You don't have to go through too much effort just for me. I've been really curious to see what your place is like anyway so I don't mind if you leave it the way it is. I'll be happy as long as we get to play more Titan Saga together. I thought it might make our teamwork tighter if we played it together in the same room.”

Jean stayed quiet somehow and just listened to him go on about how excited he was to come to his room and play the game with him. He sounded like a kid. He just wanted to come over and play but Jean's dirty, traitorous mind was thinking much more adult thoughts.

After he calmed down his recklessly beating heart, Jean told him that he would be looking forward to it. Six o'clock, he said. He couldn't guarantee that his parents wouldn't be home, but they sometimes went out on Fridays, so there was a chance. The possibility of being alone with him seemed to excite Marco for some reason but he let it go so quickly that Jean dismissed it as his wishful imagination again.

Most of Jean's anxiety had lifted by the time school ended. He went home feeling much lighter, but he still felt a bit of uncertainty closing in around the edges of his heart, threatening to invade if any slight thing were to go wrong. But he had to be strong. Things were going remarkable well so far. It was going to be extremely tough not to admit all of his feelings when he was alone with Marco, but this was a chance he wasn't going to let himself blow. Just as Marco said, being together in the same room would make their teamwork even stronger. If they sat next to each other, he could just lean over to see Marco's screen and know immediately where he was positioned.

Marco on his bed. Leaning over. Positioned.

This was going to keep happening to him until he told him, wasn't it?

Instead of cleaning, Jean spent a great portion of the evening rolling across his bed as he thought about how it would be to have Marco laying there next to him, curled up in his sheets, his head resting gently on his pillow. The image created by his imagination was so unbelievably cute that it made his chest hurt. He wanted that fantasy to be reality but he didn't think his heart could handle it. Jean had an impressive ego but he knew what kind of guy he was. He wanted to try dating and kissing and... and so many other things... but he wouldn't know what to do once it came to that.

He nearly rolled right out of bed when the doorbell rang. Sitting up, he quickly whipped his head around to look at the clock and was astonished when it confirmed that it was, indeed, six o'clock already. Somehow, he'd managed to waste three hours thinking about Marco, barely escaping his fantasies even when he left his room to eat dinner. His mother was in the kitchen still cleaning up when the doorbell rang, so it was his father who yelled up the stairs, telling him that he had a visitor.

He wasn't going to have any time to rearrange the things in his room now. Everywhere he turned, there was something potentially embarrassing but there was nothing he could do about it without forcing Marco to wait. A sad whine made it up his throat and he accepted his loss. Marco said that he didn't have to do anything special with his room for him, so it would be... It would be fine. Just fine. He hoped.

Taking a deep breath, he hopped off his bed and went to his desk to turn on his laptop first, then tried to act casual as he left his room and walked down the stairs. Marco was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs already with his laptop bag hanging from his shoulder, dressed in the same clothes he wore to school. It was just a white button-down shirt with a simple pair of jeans, but Jean felt himself getting hot under the collar when he looked at him. He knew that he must've been turning red already and his dad was always quick to notice when he was hiding something.

Before Marco could start climbing the stairs, Jean's father stepped in between them and leaned on the banister. “So,” he said, looking at him pointedly, ignoring Marco. “Marco tells me you two are friends. What're you doing with such an upstanding gentleman as this, huh?”

His sharp gaze cut straight through Jean's very being but he stared back indignantly. “What? You surprised that I have such a nice friend? Who the hell says I can't? Everyone should wanna hang out with me.”

His father chuckled condescendingly. “It's that attitude of yours.” He turned around to look at Marco. “Be honest, kid. You can tell me if he's messing with you. If you're just here to give him your allowance or something, then you can go home now. I'll take care of him.”

“H-hey!” Jean curled his fists in the air. The urge to grab his dad by the shirt and sock him in the face was rising, but there was no way he would let himself do something like that in front of Marco. He was trying to make a good impression.

Jean was ready to let loose with another retort, but it was actually Marco who came through to defend him. “It's nothing like that, Mr. Kirschtein. Jean and I are really close.”

Not just friends, but 'really close'. His ears definitely weren't mistaken. “T-that's right. See? Marco 'n' me are close. He came over because he needs my help in that online game everybody's been playing. You know the one.”

His father still looked somewhat skeptical, but he finally stepped aside and let Marco through. Jean could tell that he was going to bug him about it later, though. There was no way he was going to let this slide without scrounging through every corner for details. “I sure do. It's been all over the news and it's all you spend your time doing lately. You two have fun, though.”

Clearly, he didn't completely approve of their pastime, but Jean was glad that he was finally letting them off the hook. Still, he feared that his dad could see right through him and he worried that he could tell how badly he wanted to bang Marco. He'd never mentioned a peep about his feelings for him in front of his parents but then, he'd never even mentioned his existence. His mom probably would've been thrilled to hear that he had a nice friend, whereas his dad would've acted like he was silly for thinking it was special to have one friend. Then, if he found out that he had feelings for Marco, he would've never let him live it down.

It was still freaking Jean out that he had feelings for another dude, but at least he didn't think his parents would be the type who would throw him out if they knew. His dad would just act very disappointed. And his mom might cry. Shit.

There was nothing he could do to stop the pounding of his youthful heart though, was there? He had no choice. Besides, there was always the possibility that he could get rejected – but he wasn't going to think about that.

Before anxiety could get a grip around his heart, he started back up the stairs and waved for Marco to follow. Bracing himself for the worst, he opened his door and let him step inside. He slid in behind him and kept his eyes on the floor as Marco took in his surroundings. Jean was ready for any reaction he might have, had any number of comebacks at the ready, but no reaction ever came.

“S-so?” he asked, curious yet afraid to find out if he were just holding back. It was pretty bad still. He had laundry tumbling out of the hamper near his bed, a stray sock on top of his TV, another one mysteriously placed right on his desk, and games and magazines littering the floor. Unless he left his laptop alone with him at some point, Jean didn't have to worry about him finding his 'valuables' because all of his porn was of a digital variety, at least.

“It's a little smaller than I was expecting,” Marco said, lifting one brow slightly.

Jean sighed. “Is that all? Er- I was going to clean up earlier but then I got busy.”

Marco laughed softly. Anyone would've seen through that lie. “It's alright. I said you didn't have to go out of your way for me. You're already helping me out as it is.”

Jean's heart thumped and he looked back down at his socked feet. He pointed to his chair at the desk. “You can sit there if you want. Or...” Was it too soon? He swallowed past the thick lump in his throat. “Or you could sit on the bed. I thought it might be even better if we could see each other's screens.”

That was all true. Nothing to get flustered over.

Marco gripped the strap of his laptop bag loosely between his hands and looked aside, an emotion that was hard to decipher flitting across his eyes. Instantly, Jean worried that he'd made him uncomfortable. “Are you sure that's alright? You don't mind if I put my laptop on your bed?”

“Why would I have a problem with that? It's fine as long as it isn't greasy or something. You already have your shoes off, so I don't see a problem with you getting on my bed.” Except for the fact that it might inspire a few unintentional boners.

To keep things from getting more awkward, he picked his laptop up from the desk, climbed onto his bed with it, set it down in his lap, and opened the lid. He patted the spot next to him and Marco's reluctance soon melted away. He slipped his bag off his shoulder and placed it down on the bed, then unzipped it and set everything up. Jean pointed out his power outlet to him and he gratefully plugged it in. When he returned, he warily eyed the spot next to Jean and slowly sat down.

“No need to be so stiff. Sit however you like,” Jean said, surprised by how confident he was able to sound.

“Well, in that case.” In a single, rather graceful motion, Marco pushed open the lid of his laptop and slid back on the bed until he was laying on his stomach next to Jean, facing the foot of the bed. “Is this alright? I'll try not to make myself feel too at home.”

“N-no, go ahead. That's fine.” Jean let his eyes take a quick detour behind him, following Marco's long legs across the bed to where his ankles were linked next to his pillow. He could see a bit of creamy skin peeking out from underneath his jeans and he sucked in a breath. He'd never thought of Marco as being particularly athletic, but he had a pretty nice body, didn't he? That shirt he was wearing was kind of thin, now that he thought about it. If he just tilted his head a bit, maybe he could see one of his nipples through it...

Marco leaned over to look at Jean's screen and Jean jumped. Marco came so close to him, he was nearly leaning into his lap. “Did you open the game yet? Mine's still starting up. My laptop's a little slow and the game runs choppy sometimes, so maybe that's why I died last time.”

No, that wasn't it at all. He already told Marco that it was all his fault but he continued to act like he had nothing to be sorry for.

More importantly, if Marco was going to lean over him like that again, he was bound to notice if he popped a boner. Just to be safe, Jean shifted around and laid down on his stomach the same way. He didn't find it so comfortable but now his face was level with Marco's and he was right there and if he just moved over a few inches, he could kiss him. If it came to that.

To distract himself from Marco's distracting mouth, he put his eyes back on his screen and opened Titan Saga. He made it to the lobby at least a minute before Marco did, so he knew he wasn't kidding when he said that his laptop was a 'little slow'. Once Marco also reached the lobby, Jean asked if he was ready and then they both jumped back into the vicious world of Titan Saga.

They had already completed training but they were still just cannon fodder, waiting to be sorted into their chosen leagues. In order to advance, they were going to have to prove their titan-slaying prowess by protecting the civilians inside the walls before they got a chance to go anywhere else. From the beginning, he hoped that Marco would join the royal guard with him and stay inside the walls where they could safely farm kills and raise up the leaderboards without ever having to risk themselves in the more dangerous areas outside the walls.

Now it seemed like a shame if they didn't go all the way together. He already let him down once. Now he wanted to raise him up to the very top.

Maybe it was his sudden burst of motivation. Maybe it was the arrangement they had going on with their screens positioned conveniently next to each other that kept them on the same page. Whatever it was, they seemed to be on a roll. Once they began playing, they slipped into a focused silence, putting all of their attention on the game. Marco brought a pair of headphones with him and Jean had his own but they didn't need to use their mics for a change when they were sitting right next to each other.

It was hard to explain, but Jean became so immersed in the game that he found it easy to forget that Marco was physically next to him, yet he'd never felt so close to him before at the same time. They played for a solid half hour without even losing a single HP. He could feel Marco's excitement building each time they narrowly avoided being crushed beneath a titan's lumbering step or rolled out of the way of a blow that was strong enough to level a house. Experience points came through survival and were multiplied when a titan was successfully slain. Within only a half an hour, they devised a strategy together that bagged Marco his first kill.

“We did it!” Marco cheered, tossing off his headphones.

“Yeah, see? That's what real teamwork is all about. But, like, the credit's really all yours. You're the one who took down the titan and received the point.”

He hoped that Marco was starting to see how valuable he was as a friend, but he also didn't want to take all the credit for their success.

“I couldn't have done without you, though,” Marco insisted. His eyes softened and a gentle smile lifted his lips. Jean found it impossible not to mirror his smile but it made his heart thud painfully. Did Marco have any idea what he did to him? Every time he smiled like that, Jean's feelings helplessly deepened. “Sorry,” Marco said quietly, reaching up to anxiously tug on the short hair that laid over his forehead. “I can't help toying with you.”

Wait. “Huh?”

“It's just – you look so happy whenever I say something nice. It makes me want to find even more reasons to make you look like that, but then I feel like I'm just teasing you.” His eyes continued to flick up and down, looking at Jean, then returning to the bed. “Or something...”

Jean didn't like how that sounded; not at face-value, anyway. He didn't know how to respond, though, and the longer he made Marco wait for a response, the more uncomfortable he looked. It sounded like something he intended to keep in his head and once he said it, he didn't know what to do with himself, so he kept looking at Jean, waiting for him to say something.

As far as Jean could tell, he had two options: either brush the comment off or take it seriously. He didn't want to discourage Marco, so there was only one thing for a Jean to do.

“What, do you not think I'm deserving of such praise?” he asked with a laugh that sounded much too forced to his own ears. “After all, I do have a lot of titan-slaying experience on my side.”

Come to think of it, the way he felt about Marco sounded kind of similar. He'd just never put it into words like that before. He was willing to do anything he could to make Marco happy. It was for his own selfish reasons, but he liked seeing him smile. So, in a way, he was 'toying' with Marco, too.

He saw Marco's mouth opening but Jean didn't want to hear. The Marco in front of him wasn't the one he liked. He didn't want to hear him make an excuse for what he said, didn't want to hear him apologize or pretend that he didn't mean it. Jean felt the same way.

“I-”

But once he opened his mouth, he had no idea what to say. As he thought, he wasn't any good at talking about his feelings, didn't even know where to start. The silence that followed his outburst was overwhelming and he felt sweat gathering at the back of his neck, felt his cheeks becoming hotter. Suddenly, he just wanted to run away and hide but there was nowhere for him to go. Marco was already there in his most private place and unless he wanted to look like a complete weirdo, there was nothing he could do. Even if he didn't want to face his feelings immediately, he still needed to say something.

“I... I like toying around with you, too.”

That didn't sound like what he meant to say. It wasn't his fault, though. He had no idea what was going to come out of his mouth. His thoughts were all still so far away that he didn't even have the presence of mind to feel properly embarrassed yet.

Marco stared at him for a long time, his eyes wide and glistening. Jean felt himself being pulled into those eyes until Marco suddenly looked away, his attention stolen back by the game. “Ah- Sorry, we forgot to seek cover. A titan's going to find us soon if we stand out in the open like this.”

“R-right,” Jean agreed quickly. He realized that he was doing a lot of stammering and took a deep breath to calm himself down. At least Marco hadn't laughed at him and the look he had on his face didn't indicate that he thought he was stupid for what he said.

They navigated their characters to a safer position inside one of the buildings nearby. Once they had themselves tucked into a comfortable, dark corner, Marco lifted his hands from his keyboard and turned to look at Jean again. Jean nervously met his eyes.

“I made things awkward now, did I?” Marco asked.

Couldn't really respond to that one, either. Things were awkward. Jean was freaking out inside, but even he could tell that Marco was sending out signals.

“I have something to say, okay?” Just as long as Marco called 9-1-1 afterward because Jean couldn't breathe and he was pretty sure they were going to need an ambulance to resuscitate him. “I think you're a really great guy so I think you'll understand, but I'm still worried that there's a slight chance you'll punch me in the face and tell me to leave, so just try to hear me out and give it a little bit of thought first if you can.”

Jean nodded numbly. “I'm listenin'.”

“I like you.” Marco waited, bracing himself for whatever retaliation he might receive. When none came, he relaxed fractionally and continued. “I like you a lot. As more than a friend.” He waited again, as if he were making sure that Jean understood what kind of 'like' he meant the first time. “I like you because... How do I put it? You're a very honest person. You're always willing to say what you're thinking and even when you aren't, I feel like I can still tell what it is you really mean to say. That's why I like playing Titan Saga with you so much. For some reason, you seem even more honest when you're playing the game. But I guess I could just be interpreting things the way I want to...”

That was just his inability to immerse himself in the game the way other people could. He was always himself, no matter how hard he tried to act like someone else. When he really got into it, it was probably just like Marco said; he would forget about everything else and be himself, one hundred percent. He wanted to have fun with Marco. He wanted to protect them. He wanted them to stay together.

“So you saw all that...” There was no hiding it anymore now. As embarrassed as he felt to know that Marco had seen through his peacocking, at least he finally knew that Marco felt the same way about him.

When he let out the breath he'd been holding, he felt like he might collapse. When he looked back up at Marco, he was still looking at him expectantly, waiting for a proper response.

“I like you, too.” Jean put his forehead down right into his keyboard. “Sorry. Feelings are exhausting. I might take a minute to recover. I'm still processing this information. Your regularly scheduled Jean will return after these brief messages from our sponsors.”

Marco laughed warmly and reached over to rub his shoulder. He didn't say anything else for a while then. He pushed his laptop away from him a little so he could lay down next to Jean and rested his cheek in one palm as he gently continued to rub Jean's shoulder with his other hand. Jean was still recovering, his mind enjoying a pleasant moment of emptiness, but he did notice the way Marco had relaxed. He seemed so close and he looked so satisfied, like he was just as relieved to know that Jean shared his feelings.

“How long?” Jean asked.

Marco's brows twisted slightly. “How long what?”

“How long have you liked me? Like that. As more than a friend.”

He took a second. “A while,” he said. Jean realized that the second he took must've been used to find a less creepy way of saying 'since we met'. He'd always felt like Marco liked him and now he felt silly for ever questioning his intuition.

“I see,” he mumbled back. He picked his head up from his keyboard and pushed it up next to Marco's, then made a noise when he realized that he'd just made his character feed Marco all of his potatoes when his head hit the keyboard.

Marco laughed and leaned over to inspect Jean's dwindling stock of potatoes. “How'd that happen?”

“Control-P for potatoes. It's a handy shortcut but I didn't know my forehead knew how to do that.”

“There's a shortcut for that? What else is there?”

Jean looked over at Marco's laptop and placed his fingers over the keys. “B changes your blades. Have you been doing that from your inventory so far?”

Marco scratched his jaw and his laughs became a little embarrassed. “I was wondering how you were able to do that so quickly...” He pushed himself up onto his elbows and tentatively placed one of his hands over Jean's. “I've never had a boyfriend before so I don't know how this is supposed to start, but now that we've said that we like each other, does that make us official?”

Marco's hand was touching his. Marco's hand was touching his hand and it felt nice. He wanted to turn his hand around, to hold their hands palm-to-palm, but his heart thumped nervously. “I don't know if I'm ready to tell anybody, though. You're the first guy I've ever liked like this, so...” It was new. And confusing. Even if Marco said that he didn't know what it meant to be in a relationship either, Jean still trusted him more than he trusted himself.

“I wouldn't force you to come out, you know,” Marco said, sliding his hand around to hold Jean's the way he was too nervous to. “But I think your dad might already be onto you or something.”

His skin felt warm beneath Marco's touch as he squeezed his hand. “Hold on a minute. I don't even think I'm a hundred percent homo, alright?” He got boners over all kinds of things so it was too hard to tell what really excited him the most. He was going to have to do a lot more thinking and a lot more touching before he decided what he was going to call himself.

“That's fine, too.” Marco was too accommodating. It made Jean feel guilty but he was grateful for his kindness. “Take your time. You don't need to be in any kind of rush. Besides, I'd be more than happy to help you figure these things out...”

He never knew that Marco was capable of sounding so seductive. The way he looked at him was awfully alluring as well with his lashes lowered, a devious sort of something in his eyes. This wasn't how he imagined him at all. In his fantasies, Marco didn't have this kind of confidence. In his daydreams, he was always shy, humble, and generous but this Marco was nice too, especially when Jean felt so unsteady in this new, unfamiliar territory.

As Marco drew nearer, inching closer to him on the bed, Jean didn't move away, didn't fight it. He'd been dreaming of this. To think... He finally had a boyfriend, someone to kiss and hold and do dirty things with. The future was looking bright for him. Now he actually might not die a virgin.

“M-Marco...!”

He wanted to tell him how grateful he was but words continued to fail him, so he did the only thing he could think of to communicate his feelings. Closing the space between them, he grabbed the back of Marco's neck and pushed their lips together. He'd seen people kiss all the time but he still had no idea what he was doing. At least Marco seemed to know where to go with it because he quickly turned Jean's frantic mouth-mashing into something slow and mind-melting. By the time Jean realized that was happening, Marco already had his arms wrapped around his waist and Jean awkwardly released Marco's neck as he tried to hold him more comfortably around his shoulders.

Marco's lips felt so soft against his, so warm. He was really glad that they chose to lay on the bed because it felt incredibly comfortable to lay there and hold him. Their kisses didn't go much farther than the occasional touch of tongue against tongue, but that was just fine. The lazy rhythm they had was so relaxing that Jean found himself getting sleepy with his eyes closed. He was also getting kind of turned on, so if they didn't stop soon, there might be some trouble.

It wasn't long before their lungs began to ache for air. When Marco leaned back, his cheeks were flushed and he looked somewhat dazed – aroused, even. Jean swallowed and leaned back as well, just to be sure that his hips didn't come in contact with Marco's. He wouldn't have been surprised if Marco were sporting a stiff one of his own, but some hot kissing was enough to satisfy Jean for one night. Now that Marco was his boyfriend (and oh, how wonderful that sounded), they would have a lot of time to explore with each other. There was no need to rush it.

That kiss would be enough to fuel his fantasies for at least a week – possibly a month. He was dying to know what Marco's dick looked like, but he was certain that he would pass out if they went that far in one night.

“That was a really good first kiss,” Marco told him, smiling timidly. After all of that seductive confidence from a moment ago, he went right back to being the Marco who Jean was most familiar with. Seeing him smiling like that made him want to kiss him again.

“Wait...” What Marco said slowly registered in Jean's brain. “That was your first kiss?”

Marco nodded slowly. “It was your first kiss too, wasn't it?”

He didn't want to admit to it, but. “Yeah. I mean, you know how it is. There weren't any other lips worthy of kissing mine. Too many bitches and losers at school.”

“I feel so honored. I'll take that to mean that I am neither.”

Jean sputtered and apologized quickly for his poor wording, but Marco dismissed it with a forgiving laugh. “Sorry. What I meant to say was... Like... You're really special and stuff. You're totally different from everyone else I know. You're always so nice to me and you listen to everything I say – even the stupid stuff – and you smell really nice, too. What is that? Strawberry?”

“It's strawberry.”

“See, I knew. But seriously, how did I even end up with a friend like you? And now you're more than just my friend? It's crazy. I don't get it. B-but it makes me happy. I'm really happy.”

Letting out all of his feelings at once like that made him feel like crying but he was also extremely happy, just like he said. He had something precious now, something more special than anything he'd ever known. A part of him ached when he looked at Marco, the same part that made him feel so afraid when he saw him die in the game. They were still young and the game wasn't even real, but it made him realize something that was.

Marco was someone he wanted protect.

“I can tell you how,” Marco said, reaching back out to touch his arm. “Because you're a complicated person with simple, honest feelings... and I appreciate that. That's why I like you.”

Complicated yet simple. Yeah, that sounded like a way to describe him.

Jean reached over and held Marco's other hand in both of his. “Can I kiss you again?”

Marco nodded. Jean moved forward and wrapped his arms around him, drawing him in for another kiss. His words may have been clumsy but now he knew for sure that Marco could understand all of his feelings through his kiss. He was simple like that, after all.

Eventually, they remembered that they left Titan Saga going. Thankfully, no titans had found them in their hiding spot but some other scouts had discovered them and were having fun messing around with their unresponsive characters. There was no telling how long they had been running in circles around them, but they scampered away the second they resumed control. Still feeling keyed up from their kisses and confessions, they didn't have enough energy remaining to even play the game, so they swiftly returned to base and logged off.

Then Jean picked up his remote, turned on his TV, and let Marco lay as close as he wanted for an evening of awful reality shows. He would think about all of the complicated things later. For the moment, he was content to drape an arm around Marco and enjoy some television that required no thought.

Life suddenly looked unexpectedly bright for Jean Kirschtein.


End file.
